This isn’t a structured post with a thesis, more like a series of updates that are too long for Twitter. I haven’t blogged in a week and I haven’t been blogging as regularly as I’d like. It’s not that I feel an obligation to blog, which is something I’ve tried to get away from, but I like it and I miss it.
Life has just been a bit too full lately for me to either find the time to blog or feel like I have something to talk about. Losing Caprica last week really sucked, but I’m not sure what I want to say about it that I haven’t already said on Twitter. I really liked the show. And getting involved in it and trying to help with the efforts to get it renewed were helpful in dealing with Mom’s passing. I need things to throw myself into. Getting that one pulled away has left me feeling more of a loss than I probably should…I didn’t just lose a good show, I lost a way to cope.
And losing Mom gets more real every month. I start to realize that I’ll never have Thanksgiving or Christmas with her again. I worry about our little family. I have simple question after simple question that comes up during life that I want to ask her—lots of language stuff, recipes, clarifications for stories from our childhood. There are so many little things. I’m also flashing more and more to memories of losing her. It’s hard. I cope, I manage by throwing myself headlong into things, but it’s hard.
As far as projects go, I’ve got a large semester project underway for library school. The outline’s due Thursday, but to complete the outline I need to have done almost all the research. I’m hoping that means the rest will be easy, once I get his feedback. I’ve been feeling overwhelmed by it because it’s for a legal literature class on a legal topic and I’m not actually a lawyer. Sure, I don’t have to be a lawyer to write this, but I feel less qualified to do some of the necessary research.
I’m also undertaking a large cleaning project for the apartment. I’m harnessing the energy I had for cleaning my parents’ house after Mom died. That first week before the funeral, my sister & I went on a massive cleaning bend. We’ve tried to continue that when going home. Things were neat but they had too much stuff for Dad to really take care of it (Dad agreed entirely but didn’t know where to start). I’ve started feeling that way about our place and it’s going well so far. I’m much happier when I like how my apartment is looking.
I’ve also got two big Cthulhu projects going. One is a whole bunch of Cthulhus I’m making for Softies for Mirabel, a crafters’ group that makes soft toys for at-risk kids. Many of these children have suffered neglect or the loss of a parent (or both). I’d planned to make just a few, but when I started thinking about the experience of losing my mother when I was all of 24 and how much harder that must be for a child….I’ve expanded my plans. My cut-off date is this coming Monday so I can mail them and so it won’t cost an insane amount to mail them to Australia.
Then there are six Cthulhu commissions that I’ve got underway, too, and deadlines for those…this is why I don’t have too much time for typing unless it’s for my research project.
While doing the cleaning and working on the Cthulhus, I’ve been restarting my DS9 rewatch (started Season 4 this week) and listening to an audiobook of Redwall for the first time. Both are good stuff. DS9 isn’t Caprica, but it’s my favorite Trek. And Redwall’s quite good for a children’s book. I respect Brian Jacques’s ability to pull off a book that’s appealing to and suitable for kids and is also fun for adults.
That’s sort-of everything. Now that I’ve written it up, I might actually be able to write short posts about other things. Just had to get all that out….my life feels overwhelming this week, but I hope it’ll be better by the weekend—first phase of the project done, most of the commissioned Cthulhus done, softies done by Monday, and maybe back to normal busy busy life.