It’s Christmas Eve, which is the real Christmas in my family. This is a strange year for us, our first Christmas without Mom. It’s odd how that manifests. Sometimes I really notice that she’s not here and sometimes it’s a vague feeling of incompleteness or sadness or loneliness. I’m at home but homesick for all the years that’ve come before.
Still, I feel very loved. My sister & father & I have all been trying to love each other extra and take care of each other. ProfX has been very loving, and given me lots of hugs and a shoulder to cry on. My MIL has been very sweet and even invited my dad & sister to join us at her house on Christmas Day. And then there are friends offline and online who’ve sent notes or gifts, given hugs, and shared their own experiences and encouragement.
The post’s title feels a bit silly now, because this won’t be a merry Christmas for us…but I think it’ll be a halfway decent one. My sister & I have worked on decorating the house according to family traditions, I’ve baked some of our favorite cookies, and while it’s not going to be a Christmas with Mom, we’re mitigating the wrongness of it all. We have experience from years of doing this while she was sick.
I hope that for all my friends it’ll be a merry Christmas, with more joy than stress.