Another week of being grateful for my LAFK friends, online friends, and excellent husband. With the heat in DC & PMS-induced moodiness, it wasn’t a great week, but it’s ended pretty well.
Since I battled serious depression 4 years ago and pretty much won (never all the way better, but much much much better), I’ve got some of the tools & mental resources I need to help deal with depressive episodes. The tricky thing about grief is determining what’s appropriate grief and what’s something more. I don’t want to squelch appropriate things or bottle them up.
But on Tues and Weds things got much worse. I could feel a familiar ache in my bones. It seemed to be a combo of hormones, heat, and slowness at work (my brain likes structure & activity!) making the rest worse.
Things that I’ve been doing which have made me happy include:
- Watching more 4th series Doctor Who. Watching the Doctor is tricky, since people die a lot & RTD has a bleakness to his worldview. Despite that, the stories are good escapism and nothing too dreadful happened.
- Making hats. I posted a pic of me in one of them. I’ve made a few more with some yarn I found that my mom had been going to use to make hats for herself. Now I need to give them away somewhere.
- Working on theme stuff. I’m still perfecting Vera and I’ve started another project using some of the same structure but with a bit of a different layout.
- Crocheting Cthulhus, of course. More yarn from friends = more fun colors! Also a little Cthulhu Fhtagraphy.
And the thing that made me happiest this week was playing more Dark Alliance with the boy. We beat the first level of the Thieves Guild, I got up and did a little dance and realized that I was actually truly happy. It was awesome. Score for video games.
I want to write about how the Buffy episode “The Body” is actually amazing. Have not yet been able to pull myself together to do so. Didn’t rewatch it and haven’t seen it again since the first time a few years back (too close to home). But I found myself thinking about it without any external promptings. Then I found a really good post someone else had done about it. At some point I shall pull myself together and write. I think it’s probably the closest thing in pop/geek culture to the experience of actually losing a parent.
This weekend I’m spending back home with my dad & little sister. There will be more cleaning, hanging out, and being together. Hoping it goes well.